My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
