oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
