Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
