i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
