need another drink. this is the easiest way
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
