just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
