Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
