I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
whose parrot is this?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
