he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
