I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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