I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
