He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
not ubering you a puppy
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
