Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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