I think I am morally bankrupt
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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