I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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