youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
