i just google imaged poop.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
