I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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