I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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