Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Randomize
