I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
