Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
