He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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