When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
