Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
