just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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