I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
vagina is talking i cant
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have tasted many bathrooms
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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