She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
