Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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