I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
