I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
