I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
