i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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