We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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