We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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