Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Randomize
