I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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