It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
