Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
