I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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