I am puke
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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