he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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