she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
