sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
