Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
