i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
