i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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