Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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