I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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