I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
